Cribs and a Few of My Favourite Things: reflection

Showing posts with label reflection. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Self Promotion

I find it amusing how any kind of endorsement seems like an ego boost- I think it is the 'good student' mindset within me that I try very hard to repress .
I enrolled myself on Indiblogger and the mere approval is making me jump with joy- I must be the epitome of approval seeking behaviour coz it extends to communities in the virtual world as well!!
This seems like a good opportunity to talk about why I blog and why I will continue..
I entered the blogosphere inspired by some fantastic bloggers and their pots, and finding myself wanting to say more than I would have posted on their 'comments' space about the same as well as other things.
After having debated endlessly with myself about 'looking bad'(in my head, my virtual identities needed to stand out and look good as well) as I assumed the following-

I am incapable of consistency in all my pastimes, which would mean that my postings would be too few, too erratic..

Blogging under my real name has the potential danger of coming in the way of writing what I might really want to write about my life and the people in it...at least every once in a while

Who would want to read a blog comprising of postings on eclectic interests and half baked opinions on so many things under the sun ..where the mood, tone, form of writing would constantly vary?

However, as braved what i imagined would be akin to being a laughing stock and took the plunge, I realised that I was only blogging to be heard and the fact that so many people actually stopped by to read my writings (hey, silent readers- please lave comment and criticisms and witticisms or whatever you can-its like leaving foot marks in a house that you visited), would be reason enough to say whatever it is that I feel like saying..

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The Unbearable Lightness of Being (nothing to do with Kundera)

Get up in the morning and immediately get depressed.

Reason being? 'I have nothing to do today'.Now, this is as close to the truth as pink is to black, since you have the dishes, a gourmand appetitie to satiate (your own that is), a choice between the vacuuming/ doing the laundry or cleaning some corner of the house that is long overdue (and thanks to procrastination, its usually more than just one of the above), not to mention a plethora of 'Hello xxx... im new to the city and would like to meet you for an informational meeting' mails that have to be written everyday..

So, there, the first lie has been busted. The result- you have no right to get depressed.

True to your Cribber-self, you immediately move to the nest big question- 'ok, I have lots to do, so where do I start'?

Start with a cuppa 'chai'- but its not just a cup. In the quest for a life less ordinary, you have effortlessly complicated every single thing- so on one hand there are multiple options and on the other, multiple dilemmas. There is Earl Grey, Lemon grass green, Darjeeling thunderbolt (second flush), floral jasmine, rose tea, cinnamon tea...

So instead of brewing a pot, or boiling a few leaves and getting on with it, you ponder for several minutes to uderstand what 'tea' type you might be for the day.

The blues? hmmm..nothing better than the invigorating smell of cinnamon.

Feeling hopeful? Feel like you could get a lot of work done today? This invariably means you might want to opt for something healthier..so green, lemon grass.
Feel adventurous? Floral jasmine..a whiff of fresh jasmine infused into the sanitised air of the apartment- no room freshener required after that.This could go on..but you get the general drift.

By now, your day is either off to a flying start and you feel upbeat with that cup and your choice of brew or you could begin to ponder once again about those existential questions- "Who am I? What am I doing here? What is it that I was meant to do in life"? A wise friend of mine calls it mind-fucking and mind-fucking it is except that you are really the one getting fucked in the process. Imagine - you are on the patio of a very high floor of a highrise, looking down at the cars that resemble multicoloured matchboxes, the hills on one side, and a panoramic view of the town on the other, and all that you can think of is that this is one more day without a mission. Moreover, this is despite the fact that you are not too sureof your mission in life anyway.How fucked do you have to be to feel that way?

So as the day moves on, so do you- from the table (used a work station ever so often), to the couch, to the bed and seldom would you like to bother your legs with having to hold your body weight. Somewhere, between the re-runs of the shows that you have forced yourself to believe are the very source of your sustenance and the numerous updates of status messages on Facebook and google talk, that question rears up its ugly head again-"What have I really accomplished today''? If I were to be gone tomorrow, would i like it that on the last day of my life I did absolutely nothing of any consequence.

As you brood over this unanswerable question, the real thing hits you- What should I make for dinner today?

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

In which the goodbye came too soon after the first hello

You were never like the other ones
You managed to remain bare even after I had filled you up
You were obstinate from the start about needing a new colour
My magical earth-orange-and pink combo was never going to work with you
So I tried green and purple and blue
I cushioned you in lieu of curtains which you refused to adorn
I even forced a red. Nothing radical. Just a lamp- for us to eat under and for the colour to shine over
Since your unwieldy corners did not yield to sameness, I tried to highlight your differences
Every room had a different hue, every corner a different piece, and paintings were all asymmetrical
After I stocked my pots and pans, and struggled with fitting ceaseless clothes into spaceless closets
Stacked up the shoes, shoved in racks and boxes that I tried my best to make prettier and less ubiquitous
After I ensured that my favourite things stared me in the face everywhere I went or peeped out of blind corners to say hello
After I barely settled into the rhythm of cleaning and shining you..first every week and then ,well ..only when I felt like
When I had barely begun to appreciate how your dishwasher makes them look better than me
Or that I could double up the launderette as storage
Many a barbecue-in- patio dream shattered by limited stocks in your large unlimited stores
When I had barely begun to enjoy adding to you- a bookend here, a frame there,
That the time has come for you and me to part
To part ways, lives, time and continents
Farewell, my friend, till we meet again
I leave your wooden walls now for concrete and cement
I think I will miss your sounds of silence, for where I’m going, ears don’t ring- only phones and a million voices do
May you bring to the one I leave behind much joy, comfort, and peace
May he find in you what I couldn’t- time in a home that I would call my own...

Friday, July 17, 2009

On life and love

Hate does not destroy love
Love does
love of different things at the same time
love for oneself more than love for the other
love of thoughts that take us to the end of our tether
and love not expressed for each other

Come hither, once more, my love,
let us go back to the days of sweet yearnings
the days of joy in ice creams and holding quivering hands
the days of simpler desires
such as a stolen hour spent on the phone
or a good bargain at the end of a frugal month
or days that made life worth celebratng..simply becaue life was there
Mostly, the days when the only tears that arose were on account of too much laughter!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

An Inspired Post

Ever since I read a similar post by someone else (sorry, can't locate the link now), I have been wondering about the responses to the same in my head. Im finally ready with all of them today and want to share it wih you.

I am : a wanderer, wonderer, drifter, reader
I think : therefore I am
That I should feel more, think less
I know: that there is no such thing as the ‘absolute truth’
I want : pleasures to be pure, thoughts to be free
I have: had myriad experiences that make me who I am, let my guard down too often , a closet full of bags and earrings
I wish : there were no man made boundaries in the world
I hate : when people have two faces and I can see only one
I hear: music even when nothing is playing
I smell: happiness in coffee
I crave: coffee shops in unknown places
I search: for magic to happen in my relationships
I wonder : if some things will ever change, if its ok to have more than 6 cups of coffee everyday
If men will ever respect women for who they are
I regret : letting reason get the better of emotions sometimes and the other way round at the wrong times, taking poeple and things at face value all the time
I love: that I can be me , more often than not, a good Sunday lunch
I ache: to cuddle on rainy afternoons
I care: for those who care for me, for abandoned poor kids on the roads ,the freedom of women
I am not :a Believer
I Believe: in the good in people
That women should rule the world
I Dance: like no one is looking, to jazz and Amore
I sing: when I am alone, when I cant cry
I cry: always at the movies, and often in real life but would love to cry out laughing!
I don’t always: behave well , behave like an adult
I fight: when I feel ignored, and about what to watch on the telly
I write:(now) this blog, comments to other blogs, status messages on FB and gtalk..

I win: all the arguments in my head
I lose: all the arguments with THE HUSBAND
I never: say NEVER, not judge people (???)
I always: like to chat, with friends and strangers, remember phone numbers of those I call regularly
I confuse: roads, directions, non- Indian names
I listen: to the music in my head, and the voice in my heart (well, mostly)
I can usually be found :on Facebook, in the nearest coffee shop or bookstore, or any shop with pretty looking stuff
I am scared of : losing the ability to fly the wild flag
I need: love, coffee, music and in that order
I am happy about: being here, being hopeful

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Big and Small

The big ones go first
the presents become smaller or maybe much bigger
dates that meant something become figures on the calendar
the air is loaded with the absence of carefree laughter
conversations cease to be more than chatter
Then the smaller ones follow
reluctant touches, pregnant pauses
silences heavier than words
coz once the unspoken is spoken
there isnt much else to speak about
All the 'Im sorry's' and 'I din't mean its'
Do not mend a broken heart

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Rambling on a Sunday afternoon

Of late (as late as say,yesterday?), I think that I have started thinking of everything that happens in my 'not- so-remarkable' life in terms of posts.

Ate something delicious? How do I make the post delectable?
Saw a spectacular sight? Hell, no, THE HUSBAND forgot the lovely DSLR at home- so nothing in terms of visual treat for the blog- no, no, why did we even see this lovely thing today?
An interesting anecdote? Must note down the entire chronology of events that made it interesting- hm mm, now that I have dissected it completely, it doesn't seem so interesting after all!
What good is a film if it can't be reviewed well on the blog?

My friend, in her blog uncovering mysteries of her own convoluted mind and nothing else (Am I right, sweetie?), wrote a rather delightful post on this.

Here's to mirroring your thoughts( and with this , I replace all cruel notions of plagiarism- there will be one sweet word from now on- 'mirroring')

'' I think a lot,

I think I'll blog,

in the car, on the skytrain,

when it shines, or (like in Vancouver, usually)it rains,

by the time I get to it,

I don't feel as 'writing- fit'

So I think more

Feel the memory grow faint and then sore (by now the memory is angry that it did not get blogged about)

I tell myself aloud

Someday , when I don't think, maybe I will blog?''

(images courtesy Stockxpert)

Saturday, July 11, 2009

First post- partum thoughts

Ive barely started blogging and already my dashboard is full of posts that need to be completed/ edited. It might be a good idea to post the link here to give a context to this pattern and plead 'not guilty'!!!

I have been thinking of blogging for quite some time, but having finally taken the plunge (like the hundreds who do so everyday now), I want to acknowledge the people who inspired me.

First and foremost , you who will always be my Blog queen coz you initiated me to the blogosphere and ever since I have followed and enjoyed your 'inner and outer life'(my take on your title) through your blog. It has made many of my drab days delightful. Thank you.

Second, KG, my sweet friend and fellow companion on a certain 'boat' that we are both sailing in (and I will write at length about very soon) , who finally got me to 'stop brooding and get on with it' and was kind enough to comment on my first post ever. Yippee!!! that sure felt good- almost better than a shot of Columbian Roast, and I do like 'em Columbian.

And then there are two others, one of whom I shall keep anonymous.

She told me that her blog was not public coz it was too personal -way to go girl, that took away many of my self inflicted barriers, such as 'who want to read ubiquitous pieces of ordinary life journey on the world wide web'?

The most touching encouragement came from my friend in Pune, whose blog you must check out for her fantastic innovative illustrations and really sublime original verses. She said that I wrote much better movie reviews than the critics she was forced to read every week in the papers, and that is good enough reason to blog. Thank you dear, and I hope I don't let you down.

Oh, something struck me as I finished writing this post- these are all women and Im so glad they are fun and fabulous in a way that only women can be. Thats reason enough to celebrate on a Saturday spent taking a 'couchation'!

Cribs and a Few of My Favourite Things