Oh my God!!!
Im reluctant to say this- much easier to talk about PMSing, joblessness, hormones, what have yous ,but this. Is PETA going to pass an injunction against me or my blog for saying this which would ruin my one shot at cyber fame?
Anyway, this is on top of my mind today, so have to pour it out.
I'm zoo phobic- was born like that. There, now, judge me and psychoanalyse me.Dogs, cats, cows, buffaloes, monkeys, animals in the zoo, and embarrassingly enough- even birds. I'm scared of them all . I palpitate, break out into a panic attack, get sweaty and unreasonable, grope strangers in the lift if a dog happens to get in, suspend all manners and politeness and climb the couch in strangers' houses- you get the picture!
It wasn't much of a problem till I was in India, though there are stray dogs everywhere, but one could always find a good Samaritan in the crowd who would say ''kuchch nahi karega behenji, aap ghabraiye mat"!!(don't worry sister, he will not do anything) and you could actually walk past, or in my case, rush out of the poor animal's way, believing in this gospel truth.
Things are different here, in Vancouver.
My bad karma is all over the place in the form of dogs- my first month was spent at Fairmont, that has 2 dogs to welcome guests at the Concierge's desk. Needless to say,I became quite independent, got fliers and information brochures from all corners of the city, and prided myself on never having accosted the concierge despite being new and clueless about the place.
The joke became totally unfunny as I moved to the 28th floor of an apartment block. The listing on craiglist said- 'No Pets' which I took at face value, only to discover later that this consideration extended only up to the boundaries of our condo. The building was allowed to be infested with dogs of various shapes and sizes. Nowadays, the elevator is like my land mine- I whisper a 'please God, let there no dogs in this elevator ride' prayer every time I enter it , followed by holding my breath at each stop it makes on the way down.
Quite a few times , when the animal and I have co- habited the lift, I'm sure the occupants wanted to ask the building manager to have me expelled. Many a dog owner has taken my inadvertent reaction personally and assured me that 'he/she is very well behaved, and probably more scared of me than I could be of them'. This , sometimes is code for- 'have you seen your size, lady? My poor pet is at grave danger of passing out were you to land on it- talk about YOU being scared...
My first phone conversations with strangers who invite me /agree to meet me at home goes like this..
Me: Hi, how are you?so when would you like me to come over
Stranger: lets say...pm. hope thats ok with you.. look forward to meeting you
Me: (I play it by the ear and work on very clever variables to make this palatable to the listener)
By the way, do you have any pets at home? sorry, just asking...
Scenario 1-
Stranger: yes..I have a beautiful ..year old dog/pup/ cat
Me: sorry, Im actually.. ah..allergic.. I get sick.. I get fever.. something about the fur doesnt quite agree with my system..hmmm. so sorry...
Scenario 2-
Im reluctant to say this- much easier to talk about PMSing, joblessness, hormones, what have yous ,but this. Is PETA going to pass an injunction against me or my blog for saying this which would ruin my one shot at cyber fame?
Anyway, this is on top of my mind today, so have to pour it out.
I'm zoo phobic- was born like that. There, now, judge me and psychoanalyse me.Dogs, cats, cows, buffaloes, monkeys, animals in the zoo, and embarrassingly enough- even birds. I'm scared of them all . I palpitate, break out into a panic attack, get sweaty and unreasonable, grope strangers in the lift if a dog happens to get in, suspend all manners and politeness and climb the couch in strangers' houses- you get the picture!
It wasn't much of a problem till I was in India, though there are stray dogs everywhere, but one could always find a good Samaritan in the crowd who would say ''kuchch nahi karega behenji, aap ghabraiye mat"!!(don't worry sister, he will not do anything) and you could actually walk past, or in my case, rush out of the poor animal's way, believing in this gospel truth.
Things are different here, in Vancouver.
My bad karma is all over the place in the form of dogs- my first month was spent at Fairmont, that has 2 dogs to welcome guests at the Concierge's desk. Needless to say,I became quite independent, got fliers and information brochures from all corners of the city, and prided myself on never having accosted the concierge despite being new and clueless about the place.
The joke became totally unfunny as I moved to the 28th floor of an apartment block. The listing on craiglist said- 'No Pets' which I took at face value, only to discover later that this consideration extended only up to the boundaries of our condo. The building was allowed to be infested with dogs of various shapes and sizes. Nowadays, the elevator is like my land mine- I whisper a 'please God, let there no dogs in this elevator ride' prayer every time I enter it , followed by holding my breath at each stop it makes on the way down.
Quite a few times , when the animal and I have co- habited the lift, I'm sure the occupants wanted to ask the building manager to have me expelled. Many a dog owner has taken my inadvertent reaction personally and assured me that 'he/she is very well behaved, and probably more scared of me than I could be of them'. This , sometimes is code for- 'have you seen your size, lady? My poor pet is at grave danger of passing out were you to land on it- talk about YOU being scared...
My first phone conversations with strangers who invite me /agree to meet me at home goes like this..
Me: Hi, how are you?so when would you like me to come over
Stranger: lets say...pm. hope thats ok with you.. look forward to meeting you
Me: (I play it by the ear and work on very clever variables to make this palatable to the listener)
By the way, do you have any pets at home? sorry, just asking...
Scenario 1-
Stranger: yes..I have a beautiful ..year old dog/pup/ cat
Me: sorry, Im actually.. ah..allergic.. I get sick.. I get fever.. something about the fur doesnt quite agree with my system..hmmm. so sorry...
Scenario 2-
Stranger:No, I love pets but don't have one at home
Me: Thats great, actually sorry to say that Im a zoophobic- Im going to try and get help to resolve this issue..my family members are vvverry fond of pets though.
(See, what a clever variation)
(See, what a clever variation)
However, here's the thing. This phobia makes my life rather limited- it robs me of the opportunity of a carefree walk in the park without looking over my shoulder for canines and four legged creatures(its so bad that Ive often stopped in my tracks as I hallucinated a dog in the bush, a bag, a puddle of water. So, the joke, more often than not, is really on me.
As a paradox of sorts , Im pasting these two lovely pictures of my close encounters with wild life for readers' whose sensibilities I might have offended with this post.
As a paradox of sorts , Im pasting these two lovely pictures of my close encounters with wild life for readers' whose sensibilities I might have offended with this post.
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